Me and Tequila: A Romance

Pablo Schwartz, a character in my new novel Point Dume, has an encyclopedic knowledge of tequila.  I know that once the book is published, many readers are going to wonder how on earth Pablo knows so very much about the subject.  What kind of research did I have to do?  How did I write that particular scene?  Loyal readers will remember from the essay “The Perils of Fieldwork” that I made tremendous sacrifices in order to create and inform my pot smoking character Janice Bane.  I obtained eight different types of marijuana and dutifully smoked them all so that I could understand the chemical and emotional changes that Janice went through each and every day.  That’s just the kind of writer I am—one of those edgy, out on a limb types. I’m willing to go wherever I’m needed in my slave-like devotion to the story.  But I know tequila and I didn’t have to do much research when I sat down to write Pablo’s birthday scene.  I have been a longtime fan of the agave-based spirit and had many stories and experiences from which to draw when I wrote Pablo’s festive evening.

(NO, I will not talk about Charles Worthington’s sex life in Chemical Pink.  I have nothing in common with that man.  I’ll tell you that as an adult, I have never worn a diaper nor wiggled around in a silkworm costume.  And while my grandmother did have vegetable dolls, I have never used them in an erotic context.  Sometimes the writer just makes it up.  Fieldwork is not always a pre-requisite to a compelling scene, especially in sexual situations.  Know that!)

As anyone who’s ever had it in excess knows, tequila has a very specific and unique affect on brain function and behavior.  Nudity is often a side effect.  Why is it so funny to take off your clothes after a few shots of Herradura?  Women tend to remove their blouses and brassieres, climb atop tables, and enthusiastically display themselves in all their feminine glory.  But it isn’t just women.  I once had a forth of July party that featured a “blind taste test” of several different types of Tequila.  The contestant would step up to the counter where I would blindfold them then ask them to sample four shots and vote on which one they liked best. There was a lot of debate, especially amongst the men, and I encouraged my guests to go back two and three times to recheck their selection.  Soon everyone was swimming around in the tequila fog.  There was wrestling amongst the men and then suddenly they were all whipping it out and comparing the size of their manhood in an effort to prove superiority.  I noted that several of the men snuck off to a private corner and “primed the pump” before joining their brothers in that manly display.  Who won?  I don’t remember.

I think we can all agree that nothing says party like a shot of tequila.  And it is for that reason alone that I will once again be featuring shots of that delicious drink at my first book launch event on the 15^th of May, 4:00, at the William Turner Gallery (Bergamot Station).  I invite you all to come and celebrate the publication of Point Dume.

Cheers!